Humour Me

I think I've figured myself out....I'm a self depreciating narcissist...I love to watch myself get beaten all day.

But seriously who else would remain in a region described as the arm pit of the world.....I always thought it seemed slightly south of the armpit myself.

You know your old when you point out the seven wonders of the modern world to your 10 year old son and he tells your they're all so old fashion ...just like you dad.

My weekend always consists of escaping me....usually this includes long lonely convesations with Captain Morgan and Jack Daniels.

I used to have a big ego...but it left me ....with my wallet one day ....and the hooker who forgot me chanined to a bed.

Yes it's fathers day...I went to see my doctor, asked him why I was such a pain in the ass...he sent me to a proctologist....I arrived there and the guy proceeded to don the gloves lubricant and associated tools....he checked my teeth and exclaimed ....yup just as I thought ...your born that way.

Paul McCartney is 64....and does his wife still love him? Apparently more so now that they're seperating and her limping ass is leaving with several million...thank you very much.

NASA is launching another trip despite the fact the ride is considered a problem with explosive issues. I guess its true NASA is an acronym Need Another Seven Astronauts.

Mercedes is being sued after some rich A-hole bought a 1.7 million dollar car that wont run. He says it's " $2 million of scrap metal" ...this guy is obviously reeeeeeaaaaaaaaaaly stupid because the entire car in made of carbon fiber which unfortunatly sparky.......isn't metal. This should be fun to watch ...it'll be a first class dick waving contest.

Australia is fighting an epidemic of poisonous Cane Toads. Whatever happened to firecrackers and children containing these warty little fucks. Environmentalists want to freeze them....FREEZE THEM? In Aust-fucking-tralia? Jesus Christ Help Us. Okay okay possibly if we can give the lil ones dry ice and gloves...maybe...just maybe.