Welcome To My Breakdown

Don't know what to write ....just have an urge to.
Strange how in those silent moments words just flow........unlike now
But whatever. Books I'm reading,

The Portable Henry Rollins - Henry Rollins
Elements of the Writing Craft - Robert Olmstead
The Art of Dramatic Writing - Lajos Egri
Essays - Michel De Montaigne

Movies I've been obsessing over recently.

Apocalypse Now Redux
Sin City
Koyaanisqatsi
Hiroshima Mon Amour


We live in discourse and disassembled grammer. Grasping at etheral words spoken in haste...and waste. In the subjectivity of now could anything matter....really....children loose themselves in the speed and interconnectivity of today...night...dawn....morning. Dimentions open up and slam shut in milliseconds like years. We sit reading Waiting for Godot and finish up with Sisyphus....Parents buy into a system built on the backs of their dead and then fail to realize the wants they deem their own are instilled by marketeers and corperations......
I feel like the harbinger Kurtz staring lifelessly into the green climbing black grasp of the jungle....alone with ....the horror.

I spend my weekends searching for an unattainable truth. In histories wrung out of old cardboard boxed memories forgotten in attics and covered in the dust of time. Linking back to a place simpler and more confused. A timeless lying golden age smiles back in a silver lining as the elderly wish this world away. Where am I ... what am I .... who am I ... what is with this endless byzantine malaise.....

I dreamed of a snail moving along the edge of straight razor.........

Venturing to search an out of the way bookstore I've infrequently purchased books from. I arrive to find the place closed. I suddenly recall the owners image, one I coulden't immediatly place, in the obituary, weeks ago....the owner wasn't returning. Wandering amongst the memories of yellowing dog eared pulped fictions I recall the owner always had a story from some corner of the world. He'd been to the Middle East, he'd been in Europe, he'd been down south, had worked in great cities, and yet he preferred to live here....nowhere....truly. This out of the way little reststop between real locations. After all my talks with him ... nothing. I thought of my own fathers death. My affect flattened like black tar under a steamroller....I've become nada .... like the owner of the bookstore....only he died to achieve it....

Seek no answers here....I thought to myself. I'm crazy, some sort of deranged lifeless sentinal...trying to feign objectivity. I'm burying myself in the thought of attempting to find meaning out there while jamming as much info in here as I can bare.....but answers won't arrive. Not now, not later today, not ever. But just then it comes to me as I stare into the dull grey windows of the one time bookstore....there on the floor is a copy of Dostoyevsky's Notes From The Underground....and a line comes to me......."we shall invent a method of being born from an idea." And the confusion loosens its hold as I feel the sunshine warm my face and I leave the store for the last time listening to a Wittgenstein quote fire and repeat like a DJ Spooky sample in my head....."Die Welt ist alles, was der Fall ist."

EINSTEINS 100th

"a man ...is what he thinks and how he thinks, not what he does or suffers."

Albert Einstein

Bending Terms In Virtual Communities

#$%@ed Up

How about a teacher who rapes children......http://www.cbc.ca/story/news/national/2001/05/04/ott_projecttruth010504.html


Or primary investigations that result in nothing?http://www.cbc.ca/stories/2001/08/23/cornwall_010823


Or lawyers who get off (sorry about the pun) on Child Molestation charges twice.http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/story/CTVNews/1098190462954_3


Or priests who get off on pedophelia charges.......http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/story/CTVNews/1024857277683_20266477


Or a coroner and several church officials?
http://www.cbc.ca/story/canada/national/1999/05/27/cornwall990527.html



Or how about a now removed Bishop.......http://toronto.cbc.ca/regional/servlet/View?filename=cornwall_abuse010528



Or how about honest cops investigating this mess being pushed out of the community......http://ottawa.cbc.ca/regional/servlet/View?filename=000407dunlop

ONE COMMUNITY ......welcome to SIN CITY

DEADLY NEW VIRUS OF THE WEEK

Not only is the disease quickly destroying communities, those affected don't understand why World Health Organization and UN M.D. "astronauts" are kidnapping their dying loved ones..........spookyoptics

KRAMER'S BIG APPLE BURN - GOOD NEW FASHION ULTRAVIOLENCE

Found in Midtown somewhere between the Museum of Modern Art and The Rockefeller Apartments this lusty little title will leave the artist in you yearning. Whether it's to covertly shoot a pedo-ass priest in an ill defined attempt to locate justice or twitching to re-make a not so recent "recent classic" such as Tools "Sober" or Prodigys "Smack My Bitch Up" ....just because....Sin City will leave you like a junkie, on the edge of audio-visual rush so compelling even make-up sex will pale in comparison.

How can one resist the classic trench coated character ( lets call him the Rockefeller scank )peddaling a duffle bag'o'death ( i.e.: contraband ). Stolen, ripped, flipped, and & yet still so wickedly hip - the Miller - Rodreguez - Tarrentino flic bravely kills in a manner in which no human has killed before. To quote the THE COEN BOTHERS.... by way of Dude's sasparilla sippin affable cowboy conscious "sometimes there's a man...." #$%&*@ right!!!!!!!!! And I know I'm out of my element here but to use the nomenclature - this movie is like diesel fuel in your nostrils, better than the smell of NAPALM IN THE MORNING!

If "Dream is Destiny" then this is a nightmarish fortune. MILLER should be seated next to Zeus for pitching this bit of pure electricity. Damn the torpedoes, every man women and child for themselves .... this film is gonna jar you better than that time you tongued the 550 electical outlet. With its combination of big stars, superb writing, off the #$%&*@ hook film virtuosity ...it's purely and simply a masterpiece of groundbreaking proportion. It is the tastiest if not the craziest bit of scum and villany I've enjoyed in a long while.

Unrepentant like the junkie jonseing post perscription for tha jive doo jee while scratching at methworms the offender paints a victims biography attempting to blame society, parents, teachers, law, ......it's the cinema maaaaaaaannnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tears well and are cut back with a physiological st...st...st...stammer and an incessant cough as he unknowingly quotes a deceased rock star "All I need is a break, and my stress will be over with. I'm going to get healthy and start over." You must quit this, break the chain than binds you to your vomit dawg....quit exploring particular cinematic variations of evil archetypal images....these fissionable fictions will kill ya kid.

But it's pure unadulterated film product.....fetch the kit mamma.....

No film buff can argue this point.....this is a buff film. The acting, directing, writing, cinematography are all impeccable. My one quip.....I'd have included more varied music (but are ya really gonna listen to a mindless yammerin film freak bloggin on the net.....fugghetaboutit ). It's beauty is subjective however (what isn't)....its dark corners ripple with the void ...they're as pretty as a downtown homeless man up chucking after one to many shots of aqua-velva....damn....why are MY eyes so riveted to the vile scene before the bodybaggers and police arrive to sweep the blood into the city storm sewers? Forgive my hack inspired pandering but if you've yet to see Sin City ... in any one of its many insideous embodiments...go out ...now...find it....at the unrestrained fictive image dealer nearest you....before the ghost comes knocking in the jagged jabbing morning.....

You've gotta kick it kid....is that clear?

Indeed... as an unmuddied lake... as clear as an azure sky of deepest summer... you can rely on me... she shivers in the wind like the last leaf on a dying tree.............

COGITO

"And at this stage in human civilization, the choices reach as far as literal survival."
Noam Chomsky Oct 2004. See entire text @ www.chomsky.infoThe "War on Terrorism" and the New Rules of World Order.


Apocalypse Now
by Edward Said, in Arabic in Al-Hayat, London, and in English in Al Ahram Weekly, Cairo
It would be a mistake, I think, to reduce what is happening between Iraq and the United States simply to an assertion of Arab will and sovereignty on the one hand versus American imperialism, which undoubtedly plays a central role in all this. However misguided, Saddam Hussein's cleverness is not that he is splitting America from its allies (which he has not really succeeded in doing for any practical purpose) but that he is exploiting the astonishing clumsiness and failures of US foreign policy.Find complete at www.edwardsaid.org

FU-Q (It's like a bar-b-q but your what's hot)

Class was real interesting today. Why do I have all the 16 year old males who can't add yet wanna be the next big thing? When will people understand that success never comes before effort....except in Scooby Doo....The Flintstones...Bugs Bunny....fuck man even Johnny Quest hadda try every now and again! Ya kid your so hip....like a bad joint, you need replacement.

Habit is the second nature that blinds us to our true self.

Dialectics

Everything that moves constantly negates itself. All things change toward their opposite throught movement. The present becomes the past, the future becomes the present. There is nothing which does not move. Constant change is the very essence of all existance. Everything in time passes into its opposite. Lajos Egri

No Man Should Be Called Happy Until After His Death

MASTERS OF WAR
Bob Dylan

Come you masters of war
You that build all the guns
You that build the death planes
You that build the big bombs
You that hide behind walls
You that hide behind desks
I just want you to know
I can see through your masks
You that never done nothin'
But build to destroy
You play with my world
Like it's your little toy
You put a gun in my hand
And you hide from my eyes
And you turn and run farther
When the fast bullets fly
Like Judas of old
You lie and deceive
A world war can be won
You want me to believe
But I see through your eyes
And I see through your brain
Like I see through the water
That runs down my drain
You fasten the triggers
For the others to fire
Then you set back and watch
When the death count gets higher
You hide in your mansion
As young people's blood
Flows out of their bodies
And is buried in the mud
You've thrown the worst fear
That can ever be hurled
Fear to bring children
Into the world
For threatening my baby
Unborn and unnamed
You ain't worth the blood
That runs in your veins
How much do I know
To talk out of turn
You might say that I'm young
You might say I'm unlearned
But there's one thing I know
Though I'm younger than you
Even Jesus would never
Forgive what you do
Let me ask you one question
Is your money that good
Will it buy you forgiveness
Do you think that it could
I think you will find
When your death takes its toll
All the money you made
Will never buy back your soul
And I hope that you die
And your death'll come soon
I will follow your casket
In the pale afternoon
And I'll watch while you're lowered
Down to your deathbed
And I'll stand o'er your grave'
Til I'm sure that you're dead

Secundum Artem

Why do people blog about porn or suicide or death or nothingness? Fuck people are stupid! In my world there would be more to 'blogging' than two year college grads babbling bullshit 24/7 in my "next blog" result. What really seems funny is the stupid blogger once confronted with his stupidity attempting to sound meaningful.

Meaning is missing in the world...(this) does not imply that the world is void of meaning, but only that many a science is blind to it. V.Frankl

Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. A.DiFranco

Alternative ideas, values, rules and actions ...(are) threats to what we feel loyalty to. J.M Charon

"How should one act?"-- Morality has always been a misunderstanding: in reality, a species fated to act in this or that fashion wanted to justify itself, by dictating its norm as the universal norm--Nietzsche


When you have total control over the media and the educational system ... scholarship is conformist. N.Chomsky


Confront the familiar. Society is a fraud. So complete and venal that it demands to be destroyed beyond the power of memory to recall it's existence. Waking Life

What is essential to life is only to forgo complacency. Kafka


Down through the centuries the notion that life is wrapped in a dream has been a pervasive theme of philosophers and poets, so doesn't it make sense that death too would be wrapped in dream? again from WAKING LIFE

There always comes a time when one must choose between contemplation and action. A.Camus

The advanced technologies do not provoke a "displacement," such as to dissipate a pre-existing "familiarity"; rather, they reduce to a professional profile the experience of the most radical kind of displacement itself. Nihilism, once hidden in the shadow of technical-productive power, becomes a fundamental ingredient of that power, a quality highly prized by the marketplace of labor. P.Virno


Questioning anothers motives violates one of the most respected taboos....E.Fromm

I've got no patience now. So sick of complacence now. I've got no patience now. So sick of complacence now. Sick of, sick of, sick of, sick of you. Time has come to pay...Know your enemy!Come on!Yes I know my enemies. They're the teachers who taught me to fight me. Compromise, conformity, assimilation, submission. Ignorance, hypocrisy, brutality, the elite All of which are American dreams ........RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE


Refuse to be dumbed down, bought out, mind numbed.........

POPE JOHN PAUL II HAS DIED - LONG LIVE THE KING-

Thermodynamics Exam

Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:
"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave.
Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities: 1) If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2) If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over..
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "...it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having an affair with her, then #2 above cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze over."

damn but Kurt could write

All Apologies

What else should I be
All apologies
What else should I say
Everyone is gay
What else could I write
I don't have the right
What else should I be
All apologies
In the sun
In the sun
I feel as one
In the sun
In the sun
Married
Buried
I wish I was like you
Easily amused
Find my nest of salt
Everything is my fault
I'll take all the blame
Aqua seafoam shame
Sunburn, freezeburn
Choking on the ashes of her enemy
All in all is all we are

What Time Is It

Desire=Suffering

http://www.cbc.ca/story/world/national/2005/03/30/UNEnvironment0330.html

http://www.csmonitor.com/2005/0331/p11s02-sten.html

Materialism will result in the destruction of earth.

Narrative Clip from "WAKING LIFE"

The reason why I refuse to take existentialism as just another French fashion or historical curiosity is that I think it has something very important to offer us for the new century. I'm afraid we're losing the real virtues of living life passionately, in the sense of taking responsibility for who you are, and the ability to make something of yourself. And feeling good about life. Existentialism is often discussed as if it's a philosophy of despair, but I think the truth is just the opposite. Sartre, once interviewed, said he never really felt a day of despair in his life. But one thing that comes out from reading these guys is not a sense of anguish about life so much as a real kind of exuberance, a feeling on top of it. It's like your life is yours to create. I've read the postmodernists with some interest, even admiration, but when I read them I always have this awful nagging feeling that something absolutely essential is getting left out. The more that you talk about a person as a social construction, or as a confluence of forces, or as fragmented or marginalized, what you do is you open up a whole new world of excuses. And when Sartre talks about responsibility, he's not talking about something abstract. He's not talking about the kind of self or soul that theologians would argue about. It's something very concrete, like you and me talking, making decisions, doing things and taking the consequences. It might be true that there are six billion people in the world and counting; nevertheless, what you do makes a difference. It makes a difference first of all in material terms, it makes a difference to other people, and it sets an example. In short, I think the message here is that we should never simply write ourselves off and see ourselves as the victim of various forces. It's always our decision who we are.

GLOBAL STUPIDITY

Believe it or not these questions about Canada were posted publicly on an International Tourism Website (frightening, isn't it)! The responses are added for the sake of humour. Enjoy.

Q: I have never seen it warm on Canadian TV, so how do the plants grow? (UK)
A: We import all plants fully grown and then just sit around and watch them
die.

Q: Will I be able to see Polar Bears in the street? (USA)
A: Depends how much you've been drinking.

Q: I want to walk from Vancouver to Toronto - can I follow the railroad
tracks? (Sweden)
A: Sure, it's only Four thousand miles, take lots of water.

Q: Is it safe to run around in the bushes in Canada? (Sweden)
A: So it's true what they say about Swedes.

Q: It is imperative that I find the names and addresses of places to contact
for a stuffed Beaver. (Italy)
A: Let's not touch this one.

Q: Are there any ATMs (cash machines) in Canada? Can you send me a list of
them in Toronto, Vancouver, Edmonton and Halifax? (UK)
A: What did your last slave die of?

Q: Can you give me some information about hippo racing in Canada? (USA)
A: A-fri-ca is the big triangle shaped continent south of Europe. Ca-na-da
is that big country to your North... oh forget it. Sure, the hippo racing is
every Tuesday night in Calgary. Come naked.

Q: Which direction is North in Canada? (USA)
A: Face south and then turn 180 degrees Contact us when you get here and
we'll send the rest of the directions.

Q: Can I bring cutlery into Canada? (UK)
A: Why? Just use your fingers like we do.

Q: Can you send me the Vienna Boys' Choir schedule? (USA)
A: Aus-tri-a is that quaint little country bordering Ger-man-y, which is...
oh forget it. Sure, the Vienna Boys Choir plays every Tuesday night in
Vancouver and in Calgary, straight after the hippo races. Come naked.

Q: Do you have perfume in Canada? (Germany)
A: No, WE don't stink.

Q: I have developed a new product that is the fountain of youth. Can you
tell me where I can sell it in Canada? (USA)
A: Anywhere significant numbers of Americans gather.

Q: Can you tell me the regions in British Columbia where the female
population is smaller than the male population? (Italy)
A: Yes, gay nightclubs.

Q: Do you celebrate Thanksgiving in Canada? (USA)
A: Only at Thanksgiving.

Q: Are there supermarkets in Toronto and is milk available all year round?
(Germany)
A: No, we are a peaceful civilization of Vegan hunter/gatherers. Milk is
illegal.

Q: I have a question about a famous animal in Canada, but I forget its name.
It's a kind of big horse with horns.
A: It's called a Moose. They are tall and very violent, eating the brains of
anyone walking close to them. You can scare them off by spraying yourself
with human urine before you go out walking.

Q: I was in Canada in 1969 on R+R, and I want to contact the girl I dated
while I was staying in Surrey, BC. Can you help?
A: Yes, and you will still have to pay her by the hour.

Q: Will I be able to speak English most places I go? (USA)
A: Yes, but you will have to learn it first.

BUBBLES ( my hero )

TRUE KNOWLEDGE

Science exists in the form of a set of methods...What is not so well understood...is the effect of this practical success upon the more general theory of reality and knowledge.
Richard Weaver

COOL LINX

MEDITATION


Our whole life is supported by the giving and yeilding of some transcendent power.
Joseph Campbell

Reaping the Harvest

In previous blogs I've gone off on the church, stupid people, corperations, etc etc. With this blog I'm not going to stand up for a suicidal maniac but....what's the motive of Terry Razman's murder of seven church goers...including the preacher?

I'll bet a thorough investigation of this guy reveals a deep hatred for the church because a priest molested him. In my community churches were vandalised and burned...but never in the press were the crimes linked to any misappropriate actions of the church. I don't wanna play devils advocate but seriously what drives a guy to murder if not abuse at the hands of a massive pedophile ring operating as priests. I'm surprised this sort of thing hasn't occurred sooner.

For many years when children came foreward with accusations that a priest was a little too hands on what occurred? The child wasn't believed, and if it was reported, the church moved the sick priest to a new community where he could operate with immunity once again. There's a problem here folks. Why is it that the church swept this crap under the carpet for dacades? Now that these unfortunate souls (victimized children) have been shuffled from counsellor to counsellor and decades have passed, boom off goes the time bomb. Why? Because nothing has changed!

I could be wrong maybe he had a tumor on his brain or some biological reason, but still...think about it....crazy guy obsessing about priests misdeeds....sure the murder is wrong and his action may very well be a perfect example of misdirected anger but the action of lashing out at a church representative, in light of the recent controversy with the church and it's sex abuse history, is nothing but logical.

If a society failed to protect its young that society would self destruct. Not only would children be abused but they would have little recourse to justice, as we see today many judges are unwilling to try court cases involving child porn because the cases are so exceedingly disgusting. What occurs then is the resolution via violence. These violent children are everywhere today...dropouts, gang members, dopers, smugglers, bikers. Don't believe me ask a prison inmate about his childhood.

oh oh oh oh ....

It gets better surfing the net I've just come accross another take on wacko Ratzsmann being upset because it was said in his church that we are in the end times! Let the good times roll!
So buddy goes off on account his preacher (yet another wacko) is going on about how bad shit is. Congratulations douchbag your message of hope has been recieved.... How is it that so many people can be so naive when it comes to meeting their spiritual needs? I've not been to a church in decades yet do I feel bad? I actually feel relieved I didn't attend and possibly fall into the plans of some drunken preacher lookin for a tight ass that night. I'm sorry but the church too is an idea which has long since ceased serving a purpose. Money grubbin bums. Point is the church abused children and now is going on about how bad things are but what did they do in WWII but deny the destruction of the Jewish population. What a sick and twisted bit of karma but presto here it is.

There is something absolutly comic about a priest bitchin about the end times and gettin shot later that month by one of his "flock." If Christ did return the church would not only need renovations but some of that lightning flyin out of fingertips justice. To quote from my favorite film "Apocalypse Now" -The bullshit piled up so high... ya needed wings to stay above it-