Friday, April 29, 2005

Welcome To My Breakdown

Don't know what to write ....just have an urge to.
Strange how in those silent moments words just flow........unlike now
But whatever. Books I'm reading,

The Portable Henry Rollins - Henry Rollins
Elements of the Writing Craft - Robert Olmstead
The Art of Dramatic Writing - Lajos Egri
Essays - Michel De Montaigne

Movies I've been obsessing over recently.

Apocalypse Now Redux
Sin City
Koyaanisqatsi
Hiroshima Mon Amour


We live in discourse and disassembled grammer. Grasping at etheral words spoken in haste...and waste. In the subjectivity of now could anything matter....really....children loose themselves in the speed and interconnectivity of today...night...dawn....morning. Dimentions open up and slam shut in milliseconds like years. We sit reading Waiting for Godot and finish up with Sisyphus....Parents buy into a system built on the backs of their dead and then fail to realize the wants they deem their own are instilled by marketeers and corperations......
I feel like the harbinger Kurtz staring lifelessly into the green climbing black grasp of the jungle....alone with ....the horror.

I spend my weekends searching for an unattainable truth. In histories wrung out of old cardboard boxed memories forgotten in attics and covered in the dust of time. Linking back to a place simpler and more confused. A timeless lying golden age smiles back in a silver lining as the elderly wish this world away. Where am I ... what am I .... who am I ... what is with this endless byzantine malaise.....

I dreamed of a snail moving along the edge of straight razor.........

Venturing to search an out of the way bookstore I've infrequently purchased books from. I arrive to find the place closed. I suddenly recall the owners image, one I coulden't immediatly place, in the obituary, weeks ago....the owner wasn't returning. Wandering amongst the memories of yellowing dog eared pulped fictions I recall the owner always had a story from some corner of the world. He'd been to the Middle East, he'd been in Europe, he'd been down south, had worked in great cities, and yet he preferred to live here....nowhere....truly. This out of the way little reststop between real locations. After all my talks with him ... nothing. I thought of my own fathers death. My affect flattened like black tar under a steamroller....I've become nada .... like the owner of the bookstore....only he died to achieve it....

Seek no answers here....I thought to myself. I'm crazy, some sort of deranged lifeless sentinal...trying to feign objectivity. I'm burying myself in the thought of attempting to find meaning out there while jamming as much info in here as I can bare.....but answers won't arrive. Not now, not later today, not ever. But just then it comes to me as I stare into the dull grey windows of the one time bookstore....there on the floor is a copy of Dostoyevsky's Notes From The Underground....and a line comes to me......."we shall invent a method of being born from an idea." And the confusion loosens its hold as I feel the sunshine warm my face and I leave the store for the last time listening to a Wittgenstein quote fire and repeat like a DJ Spooky sample in my head....."Die Welt ist alles, was der Fall ist."

Wednesday, April 27, 2005

EINSTEINS 100th

"a man ...is what he thinks and how he thinks, not what he does or suffers."
Albert Einstein

Sunday, April 24, 2005

Friday, April 22, 2005

#$%@ed Up

How about a teacher who rapes children......http://www.cbc.ca/story/news/national/2001/05/04/ott_projecttruth010504.html


Or primary investigations that result in nothing?http://www.cbc.ca/stories/2001/08/23/cornwall_010823


Or lawyers who get off (sorry about the pun) on Child Molestation charges twice.http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/story/CTVNews/1098190462954_3


Or priests who get off on pedophelia charges.......http://www.ctv.ca/servlet/ArticleNews/story/CTVNews/1024857277683_20266477


Or a coroner and several church officials?
http://www.cbc.ca/story/canada/national/1999/05/27/cornwall990527.html



Or how about a now removed Bishop.......http://toronto.cbc.ca/regional/servlet/View?filename=cornwall_abuse010528



Or how about honest cops investigating this mess being pushed out of the community......http://ottawa.cbc.ca/regional/servlet/View?filename=000407dunlop


ONE COMMUNITY ......welcome to SIN CITY

DEADLY NEW VIRUS OF THE WEEK

Not only is the disease quickly destroying communities, those affected don't understand why World Health Organization and UN M.D. "astronauts" are kidnapping their dying loved ones..........spookyoptics

KRAMER'S BIG APPLE BURN - GOOD NEW FASHION ULTRAVIOLENCE

Found in Midtown somewhere between the Museum of Modern Art and The Rockefeller Apartments this lusty little title will leave the artist in you yearning. Whether it's to covertly shoot a pedo-ass priest in an ill defined attempt to locate justice or twitching to re-make a not so recent "recent classic" such as Tools "Sober" or Prodigys "Smack My Bitch Up" ....just because....Sin City will leave you like a junkie, on the edge of audio-visual rush so compelling even make-up sex will pale in comparison.
How can one resist the classic trench coated character ( lets call him the Rockefeller scank )peddaling a duffle bag'o'death ( i.e.: contraband ). Stolen, ripped, flipped, and & yet still so wickedly hip - the Miller - Rodreguez - Tarrentino flic bravely kills in a manner in which no human has killed before. To quote the THE COEN BOTHERS.... by way of Dude's sasparilla sippin affable cowboy conscious "sometimes there's a man...." #$%&*@ right!!!!!!!!! And I know I'm out of my element here but to use the nomenclature - this movie is like diesel fuel in your nostrils, better than the smell of NAPALM IN THE MORNING!
If "Dream is Destiny" then this is a nightmarish fortune. MILLER should be seated next to Zeus for pitching this bit of pure electricity. Damn the torpedoes, every man women and child for themselves .... this film is gonna jar you better than that time you tongued the 550 electical outlet. With its combination of big stars, superb writing, off the #$%&*@ hook film virtuosity ...it's purely and simply a masterpiece of groundbreaking proportion. It is the tastiest if not the craziest bit of scum and villany I've enjoyed in a long while.
Unrepentant like the junkie jonseing post perscription for tha jive doo jee while scratching at methworms the offender paints a victims biography attempting to blame society, parents, teachers, law, ......it's the cinema maaaaaaaannnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Tears well and are cut back with a physiological st...st...st...stammer and an incessant cough as he unknowingly quotes a deceased rock star "All I need is a break, and my stress will be over with. I'm going to get healthy and start over." You must quit this, break the chain than binds you to your vomit dawg....quit exploring particular cinematic variations of evil archetypal images....these fissionable fictions will kill ya kid.
But it's pure unadulterated film product.....fetch the kit mamma.....
No film buff can argue this point.....this is a buff film. The acting, directing, writing, cinematography are all impeccable. My one quip.....I'd have included more varied music (but are ya really gonna listen to a mindless yammerin film freak bloggin on the net.....fugghetaboutit ). It's beauty is subjective however (what isn't)....its dark corners ripple with the void ...they're as pretty as a downtown homeless man up chucking after one to many shots of aqua-velva....damn....why are MY eyes so riveted to the vile scene before the bodybaggers and police arrive to sweep the blood into the city storm sewers? Forgive my hack inspired pandering but if you've yet to see Sin City ... in any one of its many insideous embodiments...go out ...now...find it....at the unrestrained fictive image dealer nearest you....before the ghost comes knocking in the jagged jabbing morning.....

You've gotta kick it kid....is that clear?

Indeed... as an unmuddied lake... as clear as an azure sky of deepest summer... you can rely on me... she shivers in the wind like the last leaf on a dying tree.............

Thursday, April 21, 2005

COGITO

"And at this stage in human civilization, the choices reach as far as literal survival."
Noam Chomsky Oct 2004. See entire text @ www.chomsky.infoThe "War on Terrorism" and the New Rules of World Order.


Apocalypse Now
by Edward Said, in Arabic in Al-Hayat, London, and in English in Al Ahram Weekly, Cairo
It would be a mistake, I think, to reduce what is happening between Iraq and the United States simply to an assertion of Arab will and sovereignty on the one hand versus American imperialism, which undoubtedly plays a central role in all this. However misguided, Saddam Hussein's cleverness is not that he is splitting America from its allies (which he has not really succeeded in doing for any practical purpose) but that he is exploiting the astonishing clumsiness and failures of US foreign policy.Find complete at www.edwardsaid.org

Tuesday, April 19, 2005

FU-Q (It's like a bar-b-q but your what's hot)

Class was real interesting today. Why do I have all the 16 year old males who can't add yet wanna be the next big thing? When will people understand that success never comes before effort....except in Scooby Doo....The Flintstones...Bugs Bunny....fuck man even Johnny Quest hadda try every now and again! Ya kid your so hip....like a bad joint, you need replacement.

Habit is the second nature that blinds us to our true self.

Monday, April 18, 2005

Dialectics

Everything that moves constantly negates itself. All things change toward their opposite throught movement. The present becomes the past, the future becomes the present. There is nothing which does not move. Constant change is the very essence of all existance. Everything in time passes into its opposite. Lajos Egri

Thursday, April 14, 2005

No Man Should Be Called Happy Until After His Death

MASTERS OF WAR
Bob Dylan

Come you masters of war
You that build all the guns
You that build the death planes
You that build the big bombs
You that hide behind walls
You that hide behind desks
I just want you to know
I can see through your masks
You that never done nothin'
But build to destroy
You play with my world
Like it's your little toy
You put a gun in my hand
And you hide from my eyes
And you turn and run farther
When the fast bullets fly
Like Judas of old
You lie and deceive
A world war can be won
You want me to believe
But I see through your eyes
And I see through your brain
Like I see through the water
That runs down my drain
You fasten the triggers
For the others to fire
Then you set back and watch
When the death count gets higher
You hide in your mansion
As young people's blood
Flows out of their bodies
And is buried in the mud
You've thrown the worst fear
That can ever be hurled
Fear to bring children
Into the world
For threatening my baby
Unborn and unnamed
You ain't worth the blood
That runs in your veins
How much do I know
To talk out of turn
You might say that I'm young
You might say I'm unlearned
But there's one thing I know
Though I'm younger than you
Even Jesus would never
Forgive what you do
Let me ask you one question
Is your money that good
Will it buy you forgiveness
Do you think that it could
I think you will find
When your death takes its toll
All the money you made
Will never buy back your soul
And I hope that you die
And your death'll come soon
I will follow your casket
In the pale afternoon
And I'll watch while you're lowered
Down to your deathbed
And I'll stand o'er your grave'
Til I'm sure that you're dead

Saturday, April 02, 2005

Secundum Artem

Why do people blog about porn or suicide or death or nothingness? Fuck people are stupid! In my world there would be more to 'blogging' than two year college grads babbling bullshit 24/7 in my "next blog" result. What really seems funny is the stupid blogger once confronted with his stupidity attempting to sound meaningful.

Meaning is missing in the world...(this) does not imply that the world is void of meaning, but only that many a science is blind to it. V.Frankl

Every tool is a weapon if you hold it right. A.DiFranco

Alternative ideas, values, rules and actions ...(are) threats to what we feel loyalty to. J.M Charon

"How should one act?"-- Morality has always been a misunderstanding: in reality, a species fated to act in this or that fashion wanted to justify itself, by dictating its norm as the universal norm--Nietzsche


When you have total control over the media and the educational system ... scholarship is conformist. N.Chomsky


Confront the familiar. Society is a fraud. So complete and venal that it demands to be destroyed beyond the power of memory to recall it's existence. Waking Life

What is essential to life is only to forgo complacency. Kafka


Down through the centuries the notion that life is wrapped in a dream has been a pervasive theme of philosophers and poets, so doesn't it make sense that death too would be wrapped in dream? again from WAKING LIFE

There always comes a time when one must choose between contemplation and action. A.Camus

The advanced technologies do not provoke a "displacement," such as to dissipate a pre-existing "familiarity"; rather, they reduce to a professional profile the experience of the most radical kind of displacement itself. Nihilism, once hidden in the shadow of technical-productive power, becomes a fundamental ingredient of that power, a quality highly prized by the marketplace of labor. P.Virno


Questioning anothers motives violates one of the most respected taboos....E.Fromm

I've got no patience now. So sick of complacence now. I've got no patience now. So sick of complacence now. Sick of, sick of, sick of, sick of you. Time has come to pay...Know your enemy!Come on!Yes I know my enemies. They're the teachers who taught me to fight me. Compromise, conformity, assimilation, submission. Ignorance, hypocrisy, brutality, the elite All of which are American dreams ........RAGE AGAINST THE MACHINE


Refuse to be dumbed down, bought out, mind numbed.........

Friday, April 01, 2005

POPE JOHN PAUL II HAS DIED - LONG LIVE THE KING-

Thermodynamics Exam

Is Hell exothermic (gives off heat) or endothermic (absorbs heat)?

Most of the students wrote proofs of their beliefs using Boyle's Law (gas cools when it expands and heats when it is compressed) or some variant. One student, however, wrote the following:
"First, we need to know how the mass of Hell is changing in time. So we need to know the rate at which souls are moving into Hell and the rate at which they are leaving. I think that we can safely assume that once a soul gets to Hell, it will not leave.
Therefore, no souls are leaving. As for how many souls are entering Hell, let's look at the different religions that exist in the world today. Most of these religions state that if you are not a member of their religion, you will go to Hell. Since there is more than one of these religions and since people do not belong to more than one religion, we can project that all souls go to Hell.
With birth and death rates as they are, we can expect the number of souls in Hell to increase exponentially. Now, we look at the rate of change of the volume in Hell because Boyle's Law states that in order for the temperature and pressure in Hell to stay the same, the volume of Hell has to expand proportionately as souls are added.
This gives two possibilities: 1) If Hell is expanding at a slower rate than the rate at which souls enter Hell, then the temperature and pressure in Hell will increase until all Hell breaks loose.
2) If Hell is expanding at a rate faster than the increase of souls in Hell, then the temperature and pressure will drop until Hell freezes over..
So which is it?
If we accept the postulate given to me by Teresa during my Freshman year that, "...it will be a cold day in Hell before I sleep with you," and take into account the fact that I still have not succeeded in having an affair with her, then #2 above cannot be true, and thus I am sure that Hell is exothermic and will not freeze over."

damn but Kurt could write

All Apologies

What else should I be
All apologies
What else should I say
Everyone is gay
What else could I write
I don't have the right
What else should I be
All apologies
In the sun
In the sun
I feel as one
In the sun
In the sun
Married
Buried
I wish I was like you
Easily amused
Find my nest of salt
Everything is my fault
I'll take all the blame
Aqua seafoam shame
Sunburn, freezeburn
Choking on the ashes of her enemy
All in all is all we are